Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just google imaged poop.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
