Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
