she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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