i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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