you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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