The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
