About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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