Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
