so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize