He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
