Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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