god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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