Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
