My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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