I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think my moral compass just broke
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