If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
