Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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