i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
