Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
