I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize