he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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