Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize