Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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