my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
