i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
