Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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