just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i don't like sucking hair
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
