It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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