i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
