(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
