why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
