Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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