escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
