Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
