Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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