He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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