I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
