Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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