dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
