Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
