Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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