my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize