Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
