would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
