obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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