Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
