ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize