I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
