So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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