i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
