she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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