I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
