so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
