he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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