My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
