Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
