If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
