in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
