before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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