saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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