I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
